For some time now, there has been great speculation within the brewery and indeed the wider community as to the existence of an oft-regarded mythical creature, going by the name of Hairy. Different cultures have alternative names for this denizen of the nether world. A small tribe recently discovered in Digbeth, near the coach station, refer to him as Spoons, while in the brewery he is known merely as Rob.Rumours of if his whereabouts, even his existence are rife, speculation has been fuelled by reports that he has no reflection in a mirror and that when photographed no image appears either digitally or on film. With this in mind, a crack team was recently assembled , comprising of experts from diverse backgrounds, all with recent experience in the field, with the aim of ascertaining the whereabouts of ‘Rob’ and if possible attempting a safe capture of the beast.
Using information gleaned from the local community, random sightings and interviews with witnesses, it was possible to build up a detailed map of his territory and from this, areas were identified which would afford good views and the potential for capture.
After all this groundwork, the initial data collated was poor, with little evidence to suggest that ‘Rob’ was indeed anywhere within his sprawling territory but just as these fresh faced researchers were beginning to question the validity of their quest, spirits were raised with the finding of remnants of consumed drink. Like caterpillars, this species of ‘Rob’ is very choosy when it comes to eating and drinking.
Spurred on by this tremendous breakthrough, researchers found what is claimed to be the only footprint of ‘Rob’ in existence. Scientists at the Natural History Museum have been informed but were unavailable for comment at the time of writing. (see below).
Back in their research labs and with data clutched in sweaty mitts, the laborious process of piecing together clues began. Sadly no capture was made and still no photo exists of ‘Rob’, instead the resident brewery profiling artist was enlisted to create for us a remarkable image. It must be noted that the colouring used is based soley upon conjecture and cannot be treated as an accurate portrayal, indeed the image should be taken for what it is, purely and simply a sketch intended to give us a ‘flavour’ of the man and the myth.
The Church End Zoologists